Two years after the prime minister lost a vote
on bombing President Assad’s troops in Syria, he came to the house to
make the case for bombing Assad’s opponents, Isis. He saw no irony in
this, nor did he see fit to thank the Commons for saving him from
bombing the wrong side. There were three main questions that needed
answering, he said in his gravest voice. “Why? Why us? Why now?” By far
the most compelling argument he made was for “Why not?”
The French wanted us to help them out again just as we had done in the second world war, the Americans were already on board, so every day we didn’t do something was a day wasted. It needn’t be anything too scary; just a little light, postprandial recreational bombing. There would be no civilian casualties because our weapons – Steven Spielberg’s Raptorpod clunked its way into the chamber to take a bow – were so advanced they were primed to only take out dangerous jihadi.
There would be no need for British ground forces to get involved because he, Dave the Mighty Slayer, had discovered a standing army of 70,000 Free Syrian moderates who were just itching to form a democratic government. Best of all, Britain had the UN and God on its side. There again, Britain always seems to have God on its side when it goes to war.
Jeremy Corbyn had been twitching in his seat while the prime minister was sabre-rattling, but his response was both measured and short. It might even have been an unexpected highlight of his time as Labour party leader. He didn’t say he was ruling out airstrikes in any circumstances, he just wanted some answers to a few more questions. Could Dave be sure he wasn’t making a bad situation worse? What could we add that the US, Russia and the French weren’t already doing? Why had Canada and Australia stopped bombing Syria?
The French wanted us to help them out again just as we had done in the second world war, the Americans were already on board, so every day we didn’t do something was a day wasted. It needn’t be anything too scary; just a little light, postprandial recreational bombing. There would be no civilian casualties because our weapons – Steven Spielberg’s Raptorpod clunked its way into the chamber to take a bow – were so advanced they were primed to only take out dangerous jihadi.
There would be no need for British ground forces to get involved because he, Dave the Mighty Slayer, had discovered a standing army of 70,000 Free Syrian moderates who were just itching to form a democratic government. Best of all, Britain had the UN and God on its side. There again, Britain always seems to have God on its side when it goes to war.
Jeremy Corbyn had been twitching in his seat while the prime minister was sabre-rattling, but his response was both measured and short. It might even have been an unexpected highlight of his time as Labour party leader. He didn’t say he was ruling out airstrikes in any circumstances, he just wanted some answers to a few more questions. Could Dave be sure he wasn’t making a bad situation worse? What could we add that the US, Russia and the French weren’t already doing? Why had Canada and Australia stopped bombing Syria?
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